Get ready, folks! President Trump has challenged Secretary of State Tillerson to an IQ test contest, and we’re getting front-row seats to a true battle of wits! The two will be answering questions in five rounds, each with a different category. Three correct answers wins the round, and the first to win three rounds is crowned the Wisest in the White House!
Healthy or not healthy?
The blindfolded contestants will be presented with several plates of food, and it’s up to them to take a few bites and figure out what they’re eating. But there’s a whole ‘nother dimension! They must then make the determination whether these foods are healthy or not. Sounds easy, right? Wrong! They’ll be warmed up on salads (healthy!) and tacos (not healthy!), but what about taco salads? (not healthy!) And then salad tacos? (healthy…?) They’ll have to be GENIUSES to win this round.
Don’t Launch the Nukes!
Next, the contestants will receive a simulated thirty-second briefing on a geopolitical crisis unfolding in the Middle East. The contestant who first starts nuclear holocaust LOSES the round. Honestly this will probably be over within seconds and they definitely should’ve padded this out a little more. But hey! That just means we can more quickly get into the…
Physical Challenge! Bring on the Giant Banana Split!
It wouldn’t be a showdown without a physical challenge! Two gorilla-sized banana splits are wheeled out and presented to the contestants, who have their hands tied behind their backs. When the judge gives the signal, Trump and Tillerson have to eat their way through the banana split to find the flag hidden inside. Words don’t do justice how big these banana splits are; they’re up against 30 pounds of vanilla ice cream alone. Hope they weren’t too full from that salad taco!
DC Cinematic Universe
After a short intermission, the contestants will return to the stage to face the most difficult category yet: the DC Cinematic Universe. There’s only like four movies, and they were all terrible? Ben Affleck is Batman and we don’t even know if he’s sticking around? Jared Leto is the Joker, but there’s another Joker movie coming out, and it stars a different actor? Yeah, good luck with that guys!
Are you Donald Trump?
Should the contest come this far, this category will decide the winner! Each contestant will have to answer truthfully “Are you Donald Trump?” We don’t know for sure the exact scoring process behind this one, but we’re pretty sure the judges will make the right call!
At the end of these five rounds, we’ll finally know who’s the Wisest in the White House. Happy watching!
