Ladies, it’s the week of Halloween again, and you STILL don’t have a costume. Well you’re in luck, this Sexy Mummy costume has mysteriously appeared in convenience stores all over the country! And as an added bonus, it comes PRE-HEXED with the Curse of Nefertiti, so you can unleash ten billion scarab beetles upon the party!
Move over Sexy Graphic Designer and Sexy Octogenarian, there’s a new queen in town! And she’s got a 5,000-year-old plague in tow.
Last weekend, Jen Gonzalez was in a rush to her boyfriend’s Halloween party, so she stopped into a 7-Eleven for a last-minute costume and some chasers. “I saw Jen walk in with a few bottles of juice and she started introducing herself to some guests. Suddenly she started levitating, began chanting ancient scriptures, and then shot ten billion scarabs out of her mouth”, party guest Brianna Oppenheim explained as she pulled scarab corpses out of her hair. “We all had a good laugh out of it. That’s SO Jen!”
Everyone loves a good swarm invasion! But let’s not forget: it’s not just a Mummy, it’s a SEXY Mummy.
“Her costume was hot as shit,” gushed party guest Brian Karson. “Yeah I mean, honestly I’m over the whole scarab scourge neo-Nile throwback thing…I saw The Mummy remake this year and it was awful. But those bandage wrappings leave nothing to the imagination,” he continued, apparently unaware that he was attending Jen’s boyfriend’s party.
So there you have it, the hit costume of Halloween 2017 is the Sexy Mummy! You’ll turn heads, you’ll look great, you’ll rain a plague of ten-billion scarab beetles upon your unsuspecting friends. Happy Halloween!
