We’ve all been there: you want that hot new appendectomy but you’re 3,000 points short in your hospital’s rewards program. Well don’t just give up and leave that stupid wormy organ in your stomach! Here’s five ways to earn some fast points for some fast surgeries!
Take Advantage of Signup Bonuses
You have four limbs, so why not four loyalty memberships? Take advantage of generous signup bonuses by registering each appendage as a separate entity, and racking up points on each! Shhh, don’t tell the hospitals!
Be Smart About Category Multipliers
Some hospitals offer double points on podiatry visits, while others TRIPLE your points for childbirth! Be aware of which hospitals offer these category multipliers, and choose the right one for each visit. Some dental affiliates have been known to award FIVE TIMES points! Who knew the most generous bonuses would come from OUTSIDE the hospital networks?
Meet Minimum Visit Requirements
Most loyalty programs provide reduced points rates if you don’t visit at least four times a year. You should be meeting that requirement easily, but why stop there? The more you go, the more points you earn! Why not stop in for that tonsillectomy? Tonsils are for kids!
Consolidate Points
This isn’t technically a hack, but one little-known perk is that hospitals will gladly consolidate points from separate accounts. If your son just stopped in for an asthma attack, you can roll his points into your account and you’ll be able to afford that skin graft! Don’t worry, he’s young and healthy! He doesn’t even go outside much anyway!
Upgrade to the “Critical Condition” Tier
If you’re still just a few points short of that kidney transplant, you can upgrade your account to “Critical Condition”! Call up Customer Service, explain that you’re a lifelong customer and you’ve been saving up for this procedure all year. Representatives actually have the authority to dole out points to customers on the verge of death. You stay alive, and they keep a paying customer! It’s a win-win for everyone!
