You’re gonna cringe when you hear this one. Local accountant Chuck Hicks butt-texted his ex-girlfriend the entire opening crawl of The Phantom Menace.
Yikes. Of all seven opening crawls to choose from, your butt picked The Phantom Menace?
“When I first saw that I got a text from Chuck I thought, ‘great, here we go again’,” recalled Belinda Myers, who once threatened Chuck with a restraining order. “But I opened it and saw that it wasn’t a desperate plea for attention, but just the opening crawl that ushered in the fantastic prequel trilogy!”
Huh? We beg to differ, Belinda!
“Star Wars isn’t about good vs. evil or ancient religious order, it’s an allegory for outdated imperialist taxation models,” she continued. “I think…I think I’m going to text back!”
What a twist! We checked in with Chuck, who confirmed Belinda texted him the opening crawl of The Empire Strikes Back. Well, we certainly didn’t see this coming, but we’re certainly relieved at Belinda’s butt’s taste in movies!
